Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
