How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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