I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
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Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
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Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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