We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
