Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
