O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
