'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Banned from zoo.
Again?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
