he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
