We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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