You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
