You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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