To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
