Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
