All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
