Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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