FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
