Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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