Jerry, you need to find god
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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