Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
