I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
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