Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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