I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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