I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize