Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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