I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I look better un-naked...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
