Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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