I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
