Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
