I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
