So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
