I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
