Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
