I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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