why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
