Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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