I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I look better un-naked...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
