so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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