The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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