so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
