Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
