Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
