i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
