and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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