Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
