hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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