worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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