Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
