Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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