My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
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just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
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how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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