Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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