This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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