You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
