Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
