Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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