On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
