The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
