dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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