i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
