turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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