dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
