i just sent this text using only my big toe
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
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I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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