you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
