i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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