at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
