They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
farters have to be the big spoon...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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