Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
