Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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