Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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