non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
