You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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