Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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