Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize