I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
