Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
