I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
