the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
