Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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